Good afternoon Women & Words readers!

I’m halfway through the day and after passing the calendar on my wall – I noticed there is a big fat mark that reminded me I have a blog today.

As always, it caught me by surprise. I don’t have anything fancy prepared for you all – (I’m passing on the 70’s series due to non-interest) and after a phone call from my publisher, I’m told I I have dismally low sales. Did I lose all my readers by being absent?  I really hope not.  I’m thinking the whole out of sight out of mind thing is applying here. And I feel (as my publisher, the great Sapphire Books, Inc.) does – I must remedy that pronto

Writing the paranormal is one of favorite things to do, and I love  hearing from readers that they enjoy what I do as well.

Now, have you bought your copy of Paradigm yet?

You still have time to get your copy for Halloween – or make it a gift to a special someone who loves the holiday! It’s chock full of spirits – and demons. If you loved my earlier series – I promise, this book will give you the chills and thrills too. I scared myself while writing it, and that’s pretty hard to do as I get ghostly visitors pretty frequently!

I was also excited to receive my first 5 star review for Paradigm this last week. Here is a small snippet:

“All in all, I highly recommend “Paradigm” especially if you’re a horror/ghost/paranormal fan. Heidt’s exceptionally astute knowledge in the spiritual/paranormal phenomenon continues to be evident in her storytelling and writing style. She clearly is a master in writing in the horror genre and I can’t wait to read her next one! You will adore Jazz and Gypsy’s flirtatious, witty and passionate road to love, you will feel the chills of the terrorising nightmares and visions haunting poor Jazz, you will cheer on Jazz and Gypsy as they fight to eliminate the darkness that was engulfing them.”

It’s a long one ( and I appreciate every word of it!)  – so if you want to read the rest go HERE.

And of course – that link will also bring you to the “buy it now” button. LOL

Also, could you please remind your friends and peeps that my new book, Paradigm is out?  I would greatly appreciate it!  Thank you!

Did ya’ll have a fun pre-Halloween party or attend any?

It feels like an eternity since I dressed my kids in their costumes and raced to work only to come home and retouch them in order to go out and beg for candy.

Well, it feels that way – probably because it has been forever!

So, here’s hoping that you have a wonderful Samhain – or Halloween this year. And don’t forget – there’s still time to scare your friends.

Have an awesome day.

Good morning strangers!

It feels odd wishing you a Happy New Year at the end of January but when you blog on the 4th Monday of the month, you work with what you have.

Did you miss me?

I missed me.

I’m going to start by stating 2018 was a rough ride. You probably knew that by reading my blogs over the last several months. Full of depression and repeated declarations to pull myself up and out of it to come back online and join the land of the living. I believed what I was writing at the time, and with memory problems, I probably wrote the same blog every month!  I made promises, people. But, by the next morning, I broke every single one of them. Like a bungee cord that snapped back every morning, resistance was futile.

To keep the very long story – short (kinda!) Here is what happened: Mr. Murphy Law, and his freaking ugly brother, Mr. Inevitable, showed up and walked in to my house and life, uninvited and made themselves at home while generously passing out nervous breakdowns, financial disasters, shift changes at work, family disagreements, and health issues.

And I’m understating the issues!  Here is a perfect example:

This was the year everything seemed to hit at once. It started with my male Shitzu, Mad Max, developing diabetes and going blind. It started the rock rolling down the hill until it reached avalanche proportions.

The fact I had a book, Paradigm (that  worked very hard on – and love) come out in October barely fazed me – and that’s always a big deal! I could NOT force myself go into the office, promote, or engage with my online friends and readers. I would stop in the doorway and get physically ill.

But worse, devastatingly worse – none of that crap compared to the pain of losing my 16 year old shitzu, ghost hunting, bipolar, (yes, I said bipolar) empathic dog, Missy America. Sandy had given her to me for Valentines Day in 2003 and she barely fit in the palm of my hand, and over the years, loved me through every thing. Missy rarely left my side and sat at my feet for every book I have written. Don’t get me twisted, she was a temperamental witch (read: bipolar)  -and the other dogs (all bigger by the way)  were scared to death of her!

That day, though she hadn’t taken a nap with me for years, she asked to get on the bed and let me curl up with her. She knew. And it destroyed me. The only thing I can hang to there is after she got her shot, the only thing I could feel through my emotional apocalypse was her relief. She was tired. I could let her go, I knew Dezi was on the other side to welcome her, and they knew each other. She did come back to visit me later that night and the next day to give messages.  But that’s another story… for another day!

Run with the pack my baby.

I picture her running through a field of Lavender, bouncing as she used to when she was young and I can hear the joy in her barks as she chasing butterflies.

So yeah – 2018 was a fucked rough year.

But wait…

When Sandy and I watched the ball drop on New Years Eve, and with zero guilt, I bitch slapped those viscous brothers, kicked them to the curb, and then gleefully waved goodbye to the year that held me an emotional hostage.

After all that, I was beyond exhausted and left asking where the happy, positive, spiritual, hopeful, optimist was hiding. I really missed her! I missed being psychically plugged in and seeing signs everywhere I looked and sometimes when I didn’t and they metaphorically slapped me. I craved the ability to happily jump out of bed, and create an awesome reality for the amazing day I was sure to follow.

So, instead of sniveling about whatever situation imposed on me (and there was a plethora to choose from) during the year past, I began looking for answers. I’m not going to survive another 12 months like the last, I needed to go back and remember that version of myself and do what “she” did. I have to and dayamn, I want and need to.

I’m going to quit playing with the problems, stop talking about them (after this of course!) and plug back into Spirit (or Goddess, God, or the Universe) to find guidance and solutions instead of begging for relief!

I believe there is something much greater than myself that wants great things for me even if I didn’t believe I deserved them, for whatever reason on any given day.

This is an inside job! and I can only get there by effort on my part.  And I have my road map all ready to share with you on my next blog.

This is why:

Edited for length, and necessity! You can’t make this stuff up!

Oh wait, I can, I write fiction!  LOL

Writing this blog has been a farce today!

I started at 9 am – yes really.

I had internet problems, then computer problems, a hungry wife getting up to get ready to work the night shift, a mad rush to go to the grocery store to stock up what we needed for the week and pick up stuff to make dinner. It was past lunch and I was starving, so I broke for that. After lunch, my knees cramped up and I couldn’t sit in the computer chair any longer – so I went into the living room and worked on my chromebook to finish, by this time it was afternoon, an unexpected visitor. THEN WordPress froze on me, giving cause for panic because I had no backup. While  the “would you like to wait or close window” (I will wait, thank you very much) became glued to the top of the screen, I made dinner (we eat early because of the work shift) and rushed around to get lunches ready. After she left, the dogs needed dinner, and after that was done, I came into the office to cut and paste my content onto this page from the chromebook… The text would NOT copy and paste and after a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out how to, I gave in and typed it all over again into this page. And now, a girl has to eat her own dinner. And I still wasn’t done! Now the excuses are longer than the blog would have been if I were able to finish it this morning!

But I will not give in. I’m posting now, and I will get back to what worked to change my perceptions of current challenges. I will share how I’m retraining myself and the tools I’m using to reintroduce myself to me – the me I liked

I won’t say I’m sorry I’m late….

But I will thank you for your patience!

Catchy, right?

Let me start with this. It seems as if I’m constantly apologizing for my (lack) of blogs and/or the content within.

Last month’s blog was sitting in the “draft” section – I never hit publish! And I hadn’t been back on the office computer since I wrote it.

I can’t even make up a good excuse.  Well, actually I could – I AM a writer after all – but … but I’ll let you in on a little secret – it helps immensely when you turn the page on a wall calendar to the correct month – before  that month is over!  I went from February to April overnight! I stressed and nagged myself to death to get this blog done – come hell or high water. And do you know what?  I glanced down at the little box in the corner of my screen and it says…. April 1st.  I’m not due for a blog until the fourth Monday of the month. And the date rolled up on me like a freight train.

I’m not even going to tell you (AGAIN) my absence was due to depression and I’ve been hiding in  my cave. Yes, I hear the collective “sigh” of relief heard ’round the world.

I’ll just reassure you – That’s  not the reason I’m still absent for the most part.

The obstacle has been…

Drum roll please…

It’s been the sex, drugs, lies, and Smartcast.

*she says with just a touch of sarcasm*

But I’m sure it got your attention.

Sex & Drugs. Much to my wife’s chagrin – The combination of medications I’m on take away a girls nature. Worse, oh yes, worse – They make me not even miss it.

Lies. Not me… I’m too old and too experienced to know that the truth is so much easier and I’m much too forgetful now to remember what story I told which person – on what day – or if I even got cookies out of it.

When I was younger, I could have given you hundred examples of why sex, lies, and drugs were part of my life.

Juicy as the stories are- I’m not going to confess the sins of my youth here. Ha, I’m so glad I got my oats out before the internet. And that part of my life remains private except for the chosen few.

So, so grateful.

Back to the title…  Smartcast  ( and a very large flat screen) may be more dangerous for me than drugs were once upon a time. I have a super addictive personality – and I should have a doctorate when it comes to addiction.

Another story – maybe for another time.

I’m here to talk about Smartcast.  My name is Yvonne, and I’m an addict. I will abuse anything that looks, tastes, or feels good.  And Smartcast with Hulu, Netflix, and the Watchfree channels – #forgetaboutit. I want to watch ALL the shows, and I want to watch them right NOW.  Can’t find it there?  Troll YouTube and Reddit.  Once I’m numb – it’s so so easy to stay there.

For someone who loves instant gratification – it’s become quite dangerous. Feeling blue? Turn on that season of Frasier and watch them all.  Feeling murderous? – watch all the true detective type stories and I do mean all. I even watched the British ones. It wasn’t a comfort to know they have sick and twisted serial killer there as well. Want to leave the curtains closed and just veg? Watch something that has TEN seasons. I get to watch all the shows I missed because I was watching a different channel.

I’m like a little zombie with the remote.  Must. Watch. Go ahead and try to take that remote away from me. . Want to watch that dance again on World of Dance?  No problem – rewind that sucker 7 times and have the identical reaction each time – as if I’m watching it for the very first time.

I’ve watched 16 season of a show in a week.  Right now, I’m sitting here in front of the big computer in the office and wondering what I’m going to watch next – and then get pissed when I find out the show was cancelled 5 years ago – and there wasn’t a resolution. Or – if I liked the show – upset there are no new ones. The long runs – and my marathon viewing has me feeling as if I know these people. I’ll tell Sandy about them like I just had coffee with them that morning. It’s been awhile since my characters have showed up for dinner.

Speaking of talking to Sandy… She’s been on the graveyard shift since November. And we’re still not adjusting. I’ve tried staying up all night so I can adjust to her schedule – that didn’t work…  I tried going to bed early so I can I have a cup of coffee with her in the morning.

Nope.

Still adjusting….  I hope it will kick in!

I am currently watching Brene Brown’s special on Netflix.  It’s spooky how much of what she’s talking about is absolutely true in my life right now.

I will let you know how that goes.

I’ll end with:  The anniversary of my Daughter, Dezi’s passing on the 3rd. It feels as if I just saw her and it’s been 13 years.  I’m expecting her to show up and start some mischief.

Tell you what… I will turn on my Ghost radar app on both the 3rd and the 28th – which is her actual birthday and share that with ya’ll too.

In the meantime, have an awesome day. I’m currently watching the entire run of Rissolo and Isles – I’m on Season 2 Episode 2

What’s your favorite series?

Good afternoon!  A little late – but here to be counted, that’s something, right?

So, we had major excitement (or is that trauma) here in Greenville, Texas last
Thursday.

Picture it: Greenville, Texas, June 20th, 2019. It was late afternoon, Thursday.

Earlier in the afternoon about 2:00, Sandy and I had an alert on our phone for Severe Weather, thunderstorm watch.  And then – nothing.

After Sandy went to work and I was here alone with the dogs, we indeed had a thunderstorm, but it totally seemed normal for Texas – we have some doozies! I never how true the line in a Garth Brooks song “And the thunder rolls” was until I moved south. They don’t have thunderstorms in Washington quite like they do in the South. They talk to you here. But that’s another story.

Any-way, I received a text from my friend Susan asking how I was, so I switched from watching season 3 of The Hand maid’s Tale. (And THAT show is yet another story!)  Anyway, I was just typing a message on Facebook to say all was well, they didn’t have a weather warning ticker-tape on the channel I normally watch. Nothing about the storm. So I believed them – they always seem to be really good about it.

BUT…

I was going to hit enter and 4 things happened simultaneously…

The station broke in and (it sounded like yelled) … “Greenville, take cover now!”…

My phone alarm warning went off  – a loud siren in itself.

The tornado warning sirens went off…

AND the lights went out…

Remember – I’m here alone with 4 dogs. There IS no cover to be had in my little old house. The closets are old-fashioned coat size about… maybe… 3′ x 4′- and really, have you ever tried to squeeze into a coat closet with a 110 pound lab, a chubby dachshund-cocker spaniel mix, a chorkie (actually she’s really small!) and a BLIND cranky old shih tzu who will bite when scared? In addition,  let’s not forget the fluffy girl  (me) who would be in there with them… LOL

No problem, right?

Wrong.  The only inside wall we have here is in the hallway – and the front door is right there and let’s face it – if it blew in we’d be smashed against the back wall in the bathroom… That IS on an outside wall btw…  And believe me, no tub would hold us all either and it’s under the window.

Have I drawn the appropriate picture yet?

After all of the above happened the skies opened up – ten times normal – the yard was flooded in 2 minutes or less. The wind picked up and the house shook. I know what a tornado sounds like – we had one pass over us in Alabama as well.  Normally, people will describe it as a freight train.  Yes, that’s true – the house rumbles and shakes – the wind came right through my closed windows, the curtains were flying, and it feels as if the train hovers over your roof. The thunder rolls and growls – yes growls.  There isn’t another sound quite like it.

I’m freaked because of the alarms, sirens, and when the power quit – the television quit. I hit redial on my phone because if I was going to Dorothy it, I wanted someone to know! Redial was JD Glass, and thank god she answered her phone. We never call each other at night so she must have known it was important!  She’s calm voicing me, I’m running around like a maniac, close to breaking – but it worked. Probably too well! So, like a good little maniac – I opened the front door so she could hear the thunder and how hard the rain was falling!

Booksmart yes, not too sharp on the common sense. But God, I love storms like I love the power of the ocean on the West Coast. Power that is palpable.

So during this, Sandy is calling from the storm shelter at work, but can’t hear because of the thick walls – she is freaking out because she doesn’t know if it hit here or not.  She texts, take cover – and I’m on the phone with JD listening to it roar.

Oh well, at least she didn’t know that at the time… And we won’t tell her now, will we?

So, after all that – Our house is fine. We’re fine – and  I had no idea of the damage until the pictures were posted. The news said stay inside. That I listened too because there were trees and power lines down everywhere!  We were fortunate ours came back on after the storm passed.

Here are a few of the pictures.

Credit: Scott Hollinger

Credit: Doug Drace

If you click this picture – it should take you to the overhead helicopter video of the damage it caused.

So – they are trying to say it wasn’t a tornado – but a 90 mph wind storm –  I’m told they rate that by damage done and the path it may take.  It sure FELT like one and was identical to the storm I’ve lived through before…  In any case – a truly traumatic event at the time.  A taste of your PTSD – anyone – anyone?

My story is done….  We are fine and no one was hurt.

Oh crap!  I forgot the tutu’s – no story – it just sounded awesome with the title – don’t you think?

Have an awesome day – see you next month!

Gone Girl … Again.

OR – How we can capture a muse, spank her with our words and go to therapy all at the same time.

Actually, I was going to use the title, Chasing the Muse. But do you KNOW how many poems, books, movies, etc. – are called just that?  I didn’t either but after a cruise through Google, I knew it to be more than enough that I didn’t want to get caught in the horde.

While I try not to think about that, I want to undertake a challenge to get my words flowing again. And I’m inviting YOU to be a part of it. Be sure to read the blog all the way through – there’s a surprise at the end.

And LOOK Jove and Andi – a blog post about WRITING. I’m so proud.

Writer’s block is a very real thing to authors – and for me, this time,  Macy (because it rhymes with Racy) has been gone so long, I’m concerned she may be lying in a ditch somewhere and never coming back. This  adventure just may be my version of combing the woods with a police dog.

And as we look for Macy, there’s another reason for this endeavor…

Sometimes, we all need a little self-reflection. It may be the very last thing we want – but in order to grow and catch that slippery little muse – we must.

It’s not going to hurt – I promise. Stop and read on before you close the window!

Rogena Mitchell joined forces with me. (Before #45 broke my soul.)  But, I digress. Together, we put out a beautiful journal dedicated to my late daughter, Deserae, and Rogena published it on the eleventh anniversary of her death. So you can understand my emotional attachment to it. Not only that, but I really do believe it’s worth joining in and having some fun with me.

If I’m to be honest and I usually always am – Rogena did most of the work, I had way too much fun writing the prompts to call it work.

And don’t call me out too hard on the honesty thing – and don’t make me a liar and ask me if your jeans make your butt look big – and I’ll keep my integrity. thank you very much.

Here’s what I’m proposing to the readers of our fine website here at Women & Words: I thought it would be cool and interesting to answer the journal prompts together.  Not only will we have fun, we’ll get to know each other, and due to the nature of some of the prompts – we’ll have a little group therapy too !

I – for one, am looking forward to it.

For this first installment of Gone Girl – I’ll be reminding us of what the journal is all about and posting one of the prompts for posterity. Here is a link to the book: It’s also on sale. But – if you can’t go that route, I will be still posting the questions here, on the blog – and answering them right along WITH you. I’m not askeered.

Well, maybe a little.  LOL

THIS is a link to the previous blog of the coming out party for Capture a Muse.

And to make it a little more interesting, the participant who comes to play, sticks with us, and posts the most – will win an autographed copy of the journal.

A new one, silly.

Here’s a vanilla taste of your future prompts:

Chosen from the section: OMG – THIS Happened!

“A friend has come to visit, and they open your junk drawer. OMG – what’s in that drawer? Do they find anything embarrassing? ”

OR fun and therapy in Vonnie Land II

Catch up with the details and rules of the giveaway: Gone Girl Gone – Again. 

Buy your very own copy of Capture a Muse to write in – HERE

It would be totally cool  if you did- but it’s not required in order to play.

Briefly:  I thought it would be interesting to answer some of the journal prompts together.  Not only will we have fun, we’ll also get to know each other. In addition, due to the nature of some of the questions – we’ll have a little friendly group therapy too! please take note – the prompts on the blog here are in no particular order – just at my whim.  *insert evil laugh here*  AND to ease us in, I’m starting with the easy questions LOL.

I’m on a mission and I’m dedicating it to Macy – my muse.

“A muse can be a mirror: a reflection of the artist’s desires, anxieties, dreams, and needs.” Vince Aletti

On my last blog, this is the question I left ya’ll with:

Chosen from the section: OMG – THIS Happened!

“A friend has come to visit, and they open your junk drawer. OMG – what’s in that drawer? Do they find anything embarrassing? ”

My answer:

First of all, I have a few (ok -several) drawers – They are super magnets for junk I can’t quite make myself get rid of.  I may have a couple-three of teensy hoarder tendencies – and (for example) all those bread ties and twisties have a purpose for something…. And if by chance (bite your tongue)  I clean a drawer out – I will always find a purpose for the items after I’ve thrown them away…

My best friend can have free reign over any nook and cranny in my house.  She is also the one who – if for any reason I can’t – the only person in the world I trust to get rid of the bag in the closet….  (you know which one)  In addition to the goodie bag – she would also get rid of anything incriminating, and or embarrassing.  

Thank you Maralee – I love you

Where was I?  

Oh, yes! Back to the drawer:  I made a list of contents in the two designated drawers. We will leave the ones in the office out of it!

Big box of wooden matches, 20 pens (10 of which I’m sure – don’t work), box of toothpicks, loose rubber-bands, 2 tape measures, cooking string (sew them turkey butts up!) electrical tape, 2 outlet covers, bag of balloons, bread ties LOL, superglue, 2 can cozies, Phillips screwdriver (which I guard with my life – you can never find one when you need it),  2 of those tiny allen wrenches they give you to put furniture together and you never use again (but might need later), 5 boxes of flea medication for dogs, photo album with 70’s recipes bought at a garage sale and never opened again. Remember the one pot cream of mushroom soup and rice recipes?  local restaurant menus – some of which have been closed for years, small yellow tablet, Max’s syringes for his diabetes, 3 maps of stuff to do around here that we’ve never done, AND – drum roll please, more bread ties!

Whew.  Ok, I’ve showed you mine – your turn. It doesn’t have to be pretty – just jump in!

Please leave your answers in the comments –  OR write it down in your very own copy of Capture a Muse. Again, the purpose is fun – and a lot of it.  And hey, if Macy comes home while in the process of writing it- even better.

***

Your new Mission

Writing prompt – Chosen from the section: Walk This Way.

You, along with your companion, are walking down the street after having a meal in a restaurant. You come upon a street band playing some awesome music. Set the scene: Describe the street. Is it night or day? What kind of music are they playing? 

See you next time

(Apparently, I posted this to my OWN webpage at 5 this morning. I’m SO sorry!)

Postponing the Writing Prompt Party this month in favor of the NaNoWriMo.

via Samhain and the NaNo Ninja Empath — Yvonne Heidt * Author

And why wouldn’t football be watched Heaven? I’ve heard there were Angels in the outfield and when Kevin Costner built it, they came.  *snicker*

I do wonder though – do they watch it knowing in advance who was going to win?  

Or do they just kick it and watch for the entertainment value with whatever snack they loved in this life – but without calories – I’m sure there aren’t any calories in Heaven. Or indigestion.

Hey, it’s my version.

Many of you know I’m a huge Hawks fan. It was hard not to be when my wife had lived in the area for her entire life. Then add my very best friend who also grew up there and the air was thick with loyalty and  instant adrenaline. Bremerton knew how to throw a football party!

But  – I digress.  (and you knew that  would happen…)

Sadly, Even encouragement from Texas didn’t help the Seahawks make the cut this year.  But we tried, and usually – if our team isn’t in the super bowl and without a personal stake, I lose interest pretty quickly.

But fear not my little football fans, this year all is not lost. You can still hear me yelling at the TV from my little house on the corner. Because I am 4th generation San Franciscan, it puts me in a unique position to have a home team to root for and bonus, my family won’t call me a traitor!  In my family – the 49ers are as big as the Hawks are to my wife and best friend. Years ago, during the Montana/Rice era I bought my mom two miniature helmets signed by Joe Montana and Jerry Rice. I don’t want to brag, but I’m sure I was the favorite that year.  I wonder if she still has them. A little trivia – They were named the best quarterback and wide receiver in NFL history. Go Niners!

See Mom?  I can do it.

I do have a little bit of wicked trivia about Joe-baby – but I was swore to secrecy twenty-seven years ago – and the lady in question is still alive… So, you’ll either have to wait for that one (or make an educated guess… )

Since Libra’s are fair – and I need to mention Kansas City – Here is a picture of a bracelet I bought for Rogena Mitchell a few years ago never sent… I should probably get that in the mail. And –  If you knew me and how horrible I am at these things, that fact wouldn’t surprise you at all! 

But, there’s more – there’s another twist. A big one.

My late daughter, Deserae, loved the 49ers. She got the bug from my mother and Papa.  and at one point, I’m told, begged for Mom’s gold team jacket. I heard it from both of them, LOL.  Dezi complained Nana wouldn’t give it to her, and my mother insulted she would even ask for the treasured object.

Now, given what happened, I wish I had bought her one of those damned jackets. 

Instead, after Dezi passed away, I was going through her things and found this sweatshirt. (God,  I hope she didn’t steal it from my brother!) I wore it for years. It was my comfort go-to and a hug from my daughter when I missed  her unbearably. I wore it until Sandy and I moved to Alabama – and it was never cold enough. So, I packed it up and stowed in on the top shelf in my closet where it has sat for the last eight years. 

I’ve taken it out for pictures and I am experiencing a myriad of emotions. 

As heartbreaking as it could is – It helps to imagine Dezi in Heaven (my version of it anyway) snacking on garlic parmesan chicken wings, sweet & sour meatballs, chips & dip, baby back ribs, and potato salad (and as she would say – hold the onions, Mama)  All the while sipping her huge Pepsi and rooting for the team she loved so much. Whether or not she knows who’s going to win ahead of time is anyone’s guess.

I guess I’ll find out when I get there

Oh, and Happy New Year!

OR: Late to the Party Excuse #555!

Newsflash Yvonne: This month is a short one – check the calendar to remember your posting date.  (And so, date checked – it’s today and my turn to post ) It’s very late in afternoon – but post I will nonetheless.  I didn’t have anything planned in concrete yet and so in order to expedite the blog – I shall post what was…

I was on Twitter earlier this month and found out February is Women in Horror Month.  Well, that’s right up my alley and I started posting about it.

Right up my alley – but….

You should see the scenes cut OUT of my books!  For various reasons but usually because of the graphic nature – and not the romance kind.  You get to read the cleaned up – shiny versions.

I made myself a magazine cover! From Scratch.  And I’m going to tell you – these days there is little worse than spending hours on a seemingly, deceptively easy  – banner/social media post and then have little to no response.

I can spend hours upon hours searching the web for copyright free images, switching up pre-made layouts – trying different fonts, colors, pictures, ideas, cover photos, etc. etc.  HOURS I tell you! Until (always) it has little or no resemblance at all to the original template. BUT It HAS to balance or I start over.

If they don’t line up for me – it’s no good. I get frustrated and scrap it or start over umpteen million times.  They could be perfectly symmetrical – and not balance for me.

OR then (horrors of horrors) I post it THEN in the reposting – something is out of line! At that point I either delete or give it a big “Chuck” it….  without the “ch” LOL

So, being this is SO SO SO late in the afternoon – I’m going to post the magazine cover here:

After you have appreciated and ooh’d and aaah’d ( would you please?)  Think about YOUR favorite horror/paranormal books – and tell me!

Soon we will get back to our Journal Writing Prompts – as soon as I line them all up again.  THIS was the year to be organized and I’ve yet to start that….   yet…

I’m also always open to suggestions.

Have an awesome month.

Good morning!

Earlier this morning, I had written Andi to apologize for missing last month (and I’m sorry to YOU too) and make an excuse for how I’m not well enough to write this one.  I couldn’t just pop on here and pretend everything is ok with me.  I’m beyond tired and frustrated and with a new turn of events, exhausted. I couldn’t do it.

Until I thought more about it.  Maybe – just maybe – if I’m willing to share – someone else will know they’re not alone.  Maybe – just maybe – if things are not all perfect in Vonnie Land, maybe some one else will at the very least be reminded – it’s ok to not be ok? And even a couple with nearly 20 years together – have fights.

Throughout this whole farce, fiasco, um… pandemic – I’ve been off. That doom and gloom ‘something is coming and it’s big feeling – is right there behind my left shoulder.

I voiced it before they shut the country down –  and I mentioned it again on Facebook last week.  I just never imagined it would be so personal. Over the last 4 years (feels like 20) I feel as if I’m  living in some alternate reality where people look the same – but aren’t familiar at all.  Up is down, down is up – and sideways gets you kicked diagonally.

I say these things because it’s total chaos over here in my head and home.

And let’s be completely honest  here. I haven’t been right since 2016. Not because I’m a whiner – but because I am an intelligent, fair minded woman who cares.  There has a been a low level buzz throughout my body – a state of constant stress that I let take over my entire focus FOR YEARS now. I am constantly trying to understand why – and there is no logical answer – none of it computes and I voice it.

Constantly. Because I FEEL it constantly.  There is no where to turn – the negativity is everywhere.

It had consequences and it changed my life when I wasn’t looking – so if you’re doing the same thing – please stop giving the orange one and the madhouse any more of your personal power – save your sanity.

Long story short – Night shift kills everything in it’s path. Adult children shouldn’t live with their parents and I probably shouldn’t have gone off all of my medication at the same time while dealing with (or not, as the case may be) Corona insanity. They said stay home – and I have.

I’ve slipped into a dark place – where the shadows bite and the ghosts are not friendly. And if you’re in denial – you can’t remind yourself – because  you’re in denial.

Long story short – the vat of boiling oil tipped over last night and after being burned, I realized where the disconnect started – I don’t know if I’ll trust what was again – it will never be the same.  I want to put a lol on the this statement to lessen the severity of it  – but I’m stopping myself because it will be something I will always be aware of.  There will be cracks.  There has to be communication and never, ever, take anything for granted because you never know when the ground will shift beneath you again.

Things looked better this morning and I’m super grateful for that. But I’m hyper-aware of the state of the country right now and I’m scared that my family goes to work everyday in a place where no one seems to care about the virus and the rules – or even act as if it exists.

This constant state of anxiety and fear – I am tired.  So that’s it – that’s my nightmare. I’m sorry I didn’t have any cheer for you today or tell you any funny stories.

But I hope that YOU have an awesome day!  I am starting my serenity project today. in the yard. It’s a huge job and it should get me out of my head…  I hope!

And because everyone who works through this uncertainty and insanity – is awesome – thank you.